


I Want It All

by orchideously



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Fluff, Love, M/M, One Shot, Scars
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-19
Updated: 2018-04-19
Packaged: 2019-04-24 23:52:15
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 619
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14366421
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orchideously/pseuds/orchideously
Summary: And then, most bewildering of all, you gave me your love.





	I Want It All

     I am a selfish man, a trait that bleeds into all areas of my life, but when it comes to you my greed knows no bounds. I do not share, a fact that results from my childhood no doubt. It’s something you don’t understand, you never could, it’s not in you.

     You give. You give your all when you set your mind to something. You give help to whoever needs yours.  You give your friendship  freely , and your trust to anyone who hasn’t proven themselves untrustworthy .  You gave your very life for people who could never deserve something so  incredibly precious . And most of all, you give your love.

     I bask in this giving, and marvel at it. You offered me your friendship first, and that alone was shocking, but I seized it.  You offered me redemption after, and I ate it up, leeching off the light that is  you and hoping I could begin to glow from repeat exposure . And then, most bewildering of all, you gave me your love. I will never get enough of it and you reassure me often, with that smile that crinkles your eyes, that you have plenty. 

     It drives me mad sometimes, the fact that I have to share you with others.  Perhaps , if it were  just your friends (people who I have grown to love as well, because they are part of you so how could I not?) then I wouldn’t feel this maddening jealousy. But it isn’t only them I must relinquish you to. For you are my savior, of this I have no doubt, but you’re theirs as well.

     I think it drove me mad in school too. That anyone could have your attention and smiles when I wanted them so much more than all the rest of the world. So I forced you to focus on me when I couldn’t stand it anymore. I would relish the way you would glare and yell because I knew in those moments I was the only thing you were seeing. Because I and I alone would stoop low enough to mock you for your scars. 

      _Scarhead_ , it was my favorite. It was my favorite because I knew what it meant to you.  A reminder of every single horrible thing that had ever happened to you, a lightning bolt shaped catch-all target for me to hurt you as much as I could . Orphan, freak, attention-seeker, so many things blanketed under one word. 

     I don’t call you Scarhead anymore.  Instead, when I am feeling especially fond, when we’re on the sofa and your back is against my chest and you’re reading and my chest swells to bursting with wonder at my luck- I press my lips to it .  I kiss your lightning scar, and when you let me I kiss all the others that mar your skin as well, and hope every time that my mother was right when I was young and that a kiss has magic that can heal any wound .

     I don’t hurl insults to get you to look at me anymore, they aren’t needed and they never were. Now whenever I want your attention I grab your hand and squeeze it  tightly . I bring you tea when you’re working late. I say  Harry  in that way that I know makes your heart race. I take care of you when you’re sick, and whisper my affection when you wake up drenched in sweat. 

     These  seemingly selfless acts are anything but. They are my way of seeking reassurance.  For I am indeed a selfish man, and I am always aware that the whole world may get to look at you, but  _ I _ am the only one that  _ you _ are looking at .

**Author's Note:**

> I'm not sure what I wanted to convey with this. But it wanted to be written. Enjoy <3
> 
> -orchideously


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